


New Life, Same thoughts

by mcrlove412



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Dating, Gay, High School, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 18:56:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 20,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2784005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcrlove412/pseuds/mcrlove412
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Franks suicidal and his mom moved them to Belleville so they could be closer to franks therapist.<br/>The ways happen to live next door.<br/>mikeys quiet and does what gerard tells him<br/>gerard a total bully who hates on gays but does he have a secret himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I sat on the bathroom floor watching the blood trickle down my thighs. I hated it here I didn't want to move. Mom thought it would be better since I would be closer to therapy, but I really didn't want to move.

I already hated ares my life at my old home and knew moving wasn't going to make things any better. "Franklin! Come down here we have guests!" My mom yelled from downstairs.

I quickly wiped my thigh and put a dressing on over my new cuts before leaving the bathroom. "Who the fuck would visit us?" I questioned as I walked down the stairs.

"Franklin! Watch your language you know I hate it when you swear!" My mom snapped.

As I got closer to the bottom of the stairs I saw a man and a woman along with two boys. "Frank this is mr. & mrs. Way, and their to sons mikey and gerard. They live next door." My moms said while smiling at me. I could tell she was hoping that I'd become friends with them.

"Hi." I said and began to walk away to go back upstairs but my mom stopped me. "Frank these our our guests!" She said harshly, but I knew she was trying to hide how mad she was getting with me. "Why don't you show mikey and gerard your room?"

I turned and looked at the boys then back at my mom. "Fine." I waved at te boys telling them to follow me which they did and lead them to my room.

It was all black and had band posters everywhere. "Whoa this is awesome!" The kid named mikey blurted out.

"Mikes." The other boy gerard glared at him basically telling him to shut up.

"Come one gee don't be a dick he's new." The obviously younger brother stated.

"I don't care he looks like an emo faggot to me." The black haired boy sneered at me.

"You can fucking leave y'know I don't exactly wanna be here with you either." I said with nothing but hate in my voice.

"Fine lets go mikey." the way he acted with his brother it was obvious that gerard was in charge and that mikey would do whatever he was told.  
"Gee come on! Mom and dad aren't gonna leave yet why don't you at least try and talk to him?" He asked but sounded unsure and nervous.

"I'm good."  
"Fine then I'll talk to him!" Mikey said firmly.  
"so frank where are you gonna go to school?" He asked and gave me a forced smile obviously I was making him nervous by not talking and staring.

"Belleville high."


	2. Scream

"Oh my fucking god of course he's going to our school. Just what we need another faggot." Gerard said

im not gonna lie it hurt when he said that. I'm bi and yet I always get made of no matter what. I don't see the big deal I like dick too so what? It's not the end of the world.

even though I was hurt by what he said I responded with no hurt in my tone "you can kindly fuck off now."

"Oh look he's trying to stick up for himself" gerard said in a mocking tone.

I decided to leave before he could get to me even more. I walked out of my room but before I left I gave gerard and mikey the finger. I walked down the stairs and tried to leave through the back but my mom saw me. "Frank where do you think your going." She said kindly since she was still in the presence of mr. & mrs. Way.

"Out." and I left before she could stop me.

I kept walking and since I had no fucking idea where anything was I felt pretty lost. Eventually I ended up on what must be the Main Street in Belleville since it had a lot of little stores and the school. Of cousre my house had to be less than five minutes away from the school.

As as I was walking down the street a sign on one of the stores caught my eye. 'Bellevile theraputic offices doctor. Dean & dr. Ryan.'

Shit. This was my new therapy office. And doctor Ryan was my therapist. Why did it have to be so close to the school. There's now way that I could go there after school everyday without someone noticing me.

Id id be an even bigger freak if people new I was going to therapy.

Suddenly someone grabbed my shoulder and covered my eyes. I screamed as loud as I could. I was honestly terrified. I already have social anexity and being mugged wasn't going to help me in any way.

Then I heard it. I heard laughing. The arm covering my eyes was removed and when I turned I saw gerard doubled over in laughter and mikey awkwardly standing behind him looking like he felt bad that gerard had just done that to me.

"Oh my god." Gerard breathed out between laughs "you screamed like were going to be raped or something."

Raped. Rape. Sexually being assaulted. That happened to me before. That's one of the many reasons I'm the way I am. When gerard made the statement that I screamed like I was going to raped and then laughed it made me feel bad because he was attacking me personally.

I felt the the tears welling up in my eyes as I remembered the many horrific nights that occurred when I was younger. "you fucking asshole that not funny." I said trying to hold the tears back.

"Awwww look mikey he's gonna cry. What's wrong emo? Someone not like being scared. "

"gee back off he seriously looks freaked out." Mikey cut in.

"Shut up mikey." He snapped back at his brother.  
"come on let's go home. Our parents made us come find you, since you just decided to leave. I don't see why we had to find you it's not like bellevilles that big, but your mom was freaking out for some reason."

I knew new my mom was worried that I'd go and do something stupid, and by stupid I mean that she was worried that I'd kill myself.

Yea im suicidal but I'm not just going to leave and kill myself. I've been doing better lately though. My mom doesn't know about my cutting and I intend to keep it that way. I don't want anyone to know about my cutting and unless someone sees me without my clothes on no one is going to know.

"Well are you coming or not faggot?"

Gerard's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Yes I'm coming you douche." I sneered back.

"what did you call me?!"

"Well you called me a faggot which technically I am, so I called you a douche since that's what you are." I smirked at my comeback, which I thought was pretty good, but apparently geard didn't think so because the next thing I knew his fist collided with my face.

"Fuck!" I gasped clutching the side of my face where his fist hit me.

"That should shut you up now let's get back home."

"I can find my own way home without you!" I snapped and ran off without them.


	3. Journals

I had eventually found my way home last night and of course before leaving gerard had to make a comment about my sexuality again. As soon as the ways were gone my mom began to tell at me. She was furious and I don't blame her.  
"Frank I don't know what id do if I lost you." She said on the verge of tears. "That's why I worry so much, alright enoughs enough your fine so moving on, the way boys seem nice." She said in a hopefull tone obviously hoping I liked them.

"Not really."

"frank can't you give them a chance, I want you to make friends here that's one of the reasons we moved!"

"I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry I'm not fucking perfect and can't make friends whenever I want, and I'm sorry that I ruin everything for you and all your money goes to paying for my therapy and medication. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up and can't do anything right, but please just leave me alone ok! I don't want to make friends, I really don't want to do anything anymore!" I said and then ran off to my room leaving my mom downstairs.

i woke hole up the next day to my alarm clock signaling the start of my first day in a new hell. I went to take a shower and ended up taking a little longer. I took apart my razor for shaving and used the blades to cut myself.

I cut until my mom was pounding on the bathroom door telling me that I was going to be late. I must've made at least twenty cuts.

I tired to wash them but they hurt to much so I just stuck a dressing over them and taped it down with medical tape. I dried my hair which wasn't hard to keep up since it was in a Mohawk and required basically no attention.

I threw on some black skinny jeans and converse along with a black flag tee and an oversized misfits hoodie. I grabbed my bag and ran out the door after grabbing some coffee.

As soon as I was out the front door my day turned into shit. Gerard and mikey along with some other kids were just leaving the way household to walk to school.

I tried to ignore them as best as I could since I was in front of them. Of course that didn't last longer than two seconds.

"Hey faggot come here!" Gerard yelled at me.  
i ignored him and kept walking. I felt a hand on my shoulder pulling me back. I turned and came face to face with four boys. Gerard, mikey, a blonde looking tough kid, and a kid with a massive fro.

"Good morning emo." Gerard chirped smirking at me.  
"Fuck off." I mumbled before turning away, but was stopped again by gerard grabbing my shoulder. "Listen what the fuck do you want! I don't have money or anything worth value on me! If your going to beat me up go ahead and get it over with, and if that wasn't your plan then can I please finish my fucking walk to school!?" I shouted at the boys.

Gerard had an amused smirk On his face. He quickly took my coffee out of my hand and tried to dump it on me, but me being extremely short and fast I ran away before it spilled on me. I kept running until I was all the way at the school. I could hear gerard trying to catch up with me but I was a lot faster.

I made it into the school and would've kept running except someone stopped me by blocking my way. It was a jock and I wasn't about to tell him to move so I turned around and found my way to the front office before gerard and his gang could catch up with me.

I told the lady at the desk my name and she gave me my schedule and locker number. By the time I left the office gerard and his gang must've given up on finding me so I figured it was safe to go to my locker.

I finally found my locker but noticed that It was literally only two lockers away from Gerard's. He saw me walking over to it since he was getting his books and smirked at me. "Your fucking lucky I didn't get you this morning faggot. Now let me see your schedule." He commanded.

I handed it to him and a smile a fucking smile appeared on his face. "Almost identical except English class." He smirked. "How about I show you to first period?" He asked.

"yea right." I mumbled before grabbing my schedule off him.  
"it wasn't a question Frankie I'm going to take you to first period which just so happened to be gym.

**time lapse**

gerard literally dragged me into gym. If he hadn't I'm sure I would've just ditched anyway. I walked up to the gym teacher who handed me a pair of gym shorts and a t shirt. "What are these for?" I asked.

"Gym uniform go change. Way show him where the locker room and his gym locker are." He boomed.

Gerard showed me into the locker room and showed me my gym locker. "Well change."

"I'm not changing with you in here." I glared at him.

"God it's not like I'm going to fucking watch you you faggot"

I don't know what this kids deal is. He fucking hates me yet he stays while I have to change. I don't care who it is though in here with me I'm not changing in front of anyone with my hips and thighs all cut up.

I shove ive past gerard in an attempt to go to a bathroom stall. "Where are you going?" He asks

"to change."

I ignore ore gerard and Lock myself in a bathroom stall. I quickly change and make sure my cuts are covered before leaving the stall.

gerards still just standing in the locker room waiting for me. "Done changing princess?" He asks rudely to me like I was wasting his time or something.

"Shut the fuck up and leave me alone." And with that I shove past him and out into the gym.

 

**time lapse**

the rest of the day is pretty uneventful. Of course every time gerard passes me he has to make a rude comment but I tired my hardest to ignore it.

As as soon as the final bell rang I ran to my locker and grabbed what I needed. My goal was to make it to therapy without anyone seeing me.

I was was walking down the Main Street to my therapists office and was almost there when I heard someone yell faggot from behind me. I increased my speed and ran into the office hoping that I was far enough ahead that gerard didn't see where I went.

Dr. Ryan spent the hour trying to get to know me since I'd only had one other session with him prior to my move.

"Frank have you ever self harmed?" Was one of the many questions he asked that I wasn't sure how to respond to.  
After thinking it through I nodded.

"Does anyone know?"  
"no one knows I cut even my mom so please don't tell her." I begged.

"Frank id like you to show me the cuts you've made."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. You do." Dr. Ryan responded coldly.

i showed him my thighs and hips as much as I could while keeping myself covered.

"Frank I'd like you to start keeping a journal about your feeling and your thoughts. I want you to try and write in it at least once a day and bring it with you everyday when you come to my office ok?" I nodded though I didn't see the point since I come here everyday except Sunday.

I left the office to walk home. As I walked up to my house I saw gerard and mikey outside on their porch. Gerard saw me and stood up to walk over to me but I ran inside and up to my room before he could get the chance to mess with me even further.


	4. theifs

Gees pov

i saw frank coming home finally about an hour after school had let out. I was curious as to where he had gone so I was going to ask him and mess with him a little just because I could.

as soon as I stood up to go see him he ran inside and slammed the door shut behind him.

"Why do you hate him?"

I turned around to mikey and gave him a mean glare. "Because he's an emo faggot."

"you haven't spent more than a day with him and all you do is pick on him. Gee I really think you should back off I mean he moved here in the middle of the year maybe he had issues at his old school, and-"

"mikey shut up." I snapped at him. Normally mikey would never question me because I made it clear to him that I was in charge.

I went inside to my room and basically just spent the night drawing until I went to bed.

the next day as I left for school I didn't see frank and was kind of disappointed since I wanted to mess with him a little on the way there. as the day went on I noticed that frank wasn't even in school. It's only his second day and he's ditching!? That bastard.

Since he he decided he could just avoid me I thought id leave early and pay the little punk a visit. As I was walking down Main Street i saw frank! He was leaving the therapy offices....that's strange and he was carrying a notebook with him.

I ran up behind him and snatched the notebook out of his hands before he saw me. He turned and his eyes instantly widen when he saw it was me.

"Gerard give that back!" He yelled jumping up to try and reach it from where I held it.

"No I don't think so." I said smirking at him. "So frank why weren't you in school and why were in the therapists office?"

"That's none of your fucking buisness now give it back!" He yelled still trying to reach his notebook.

"Why is this thing so important to you?" I said as I turned and opened and opened it to read.

"gerard please don't read it ill do anything just don't fucking read it please!" He screamed and I could tell by his voice that he was about to cry.

I shut the book and turned towards him. "anything?"

"Anything just please!" He cried. He had tears streaming down his face.

I thought for for a moment before deciding on something. "Let me come over to your house."

"W-what?"

"Are you fucking deaf? I said let me come over." I snapped back at his stupid answer.

"I don't think that's a good idea..."

Franks pov

"and why is that not a good idea faggot?" He snapped at me.

It it was a horrible idea because I knew from this morning that I still had some blades and blood soaked towels laying around my room. I didn't have to clean them yet since I planned on ditching school and my mom wouldn't be done with work until seven at nighT so I had time to clean before she got back.

"Earth to faggot!" Gerard snapped his fingers in front of my face bringing me out of my thoughts.

"w-why do you want to come over...."

"listen frank if you don't want me to then I guess ill just go home and read this notebook that you seen so protective of." He smirked.

"NO!" I yelled then sighed in defeat. "Fine you can come over just give it back please."

"Sure thing princess." He said and handed me my journal. This afternoon was literally going to kill me.


	5. Feels like I'm falling

We arrived at my house and before gerard could stop me I sprinted upstairs and into my bedroom. I grabbed all the blades and bloody towels and threw them into a random drawer just barely hiding the last ones when he came marching upstairs looking pissed.

"Trying to run away from me?"

"N-no I just had to do something." I stuttered. God I sounded like such an idiot. I quickly shoved the journal underneath my bed pillows and prayed that he hadn't seen.

He he shut the door to my room and just came over and sat on my bed. He was about to speak my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw it was from my only friend back home alex.

"Hey Alex listen nows not a good time."  
"and why would that be? Frank I haven't talked to you since last week! How are things going? Make any friends, boyfriends? How are you feeling like.....mood wise?"  
"Alex listen I will call you back later ok? Dude listen I really have to go-"  
"frank what's going on? Why do you have to go are you...frank your not going to-"  
"no! Just I'll call you later!" I yelled at him before hanging up and falling onto my bed.

I put put my head in my hands and began shaking. Shit I was about to have an anexity attack. I swear the smallest things can set me off. Gerard had to fucking be here and I yelled at Alex and now he probably thinks I'm going to kill myself. I felt like crying but couldn't because I was shaking so violently.

"Faggot what's wrong with you? Why are you shaking?" Gerard asked acting like his usual bully self but I could hear the get in his voice.

I stood up and made my way to the bathroom attached to my room trying to get to my pills. I made it into the bathroom and eventually found the pills. I ended up spilling them everywhere because I was shaking so much but managed pick two up off the floor and swallow them. I collapsed to the floor and sat there crying waiting for the pills to kick in.

I calmed myself down after almost give minutes and stood back up with the help of the sink. I walked out of the bathroom and almost had a heart attack when I saw gerard on my bed. I had forgotten he was even here.

His face though. he looked absolutely terrified about what had just happened. He was just staring at me in total shock and disbelief. "What just happened?!" He asked his voice shaky.

"Listen don't worry it just happens sometimes." I said casually.

"What was that!?!" He asked again still scared.

"I told you It happens sometimes. it was just an anxiety attack I'm fine." I said staring to get annoyed with him. He picks on me constantly and when I'm having a fucking attack right in front if him he just sits there watching me the whole time.

"w-what?"

"Are you fucking deaf?" I said mocking him from earlier. "I had an anxiety attack. It. Happens. Calm down."

"you mean you get those a lot?"

"Haven't you ever heard of anexity disorders or panic attacks?"

He shook his head. I honestly couldn't believe he'd never heard of them before.

"It's just something that happens when someone panics or starts becoming anxious and having anxiety. It's just something you deal with." I said not looking at him. We were both sitting on the bed and we were sitting across from each other. He was making me uncomfortable I didn't like people to see me have an attack.

"What happens...like when you have one?"

"Well obviously I shake, or cry, and I can black out but the pills stop it...."

"Are you okay?" He asked.

This is time I looked at him. "Are you fucking serious!" i said with complete hatred in my voice. "Why the hell do you care!? Your just a fucking stuck up dick who has already my new life in Belleville a living hell withing twenty four hours of me moving here and it takes you seeing me have an anxiety attack before you realize that I'm hurting!?"

"Frankie I-"

"fucking leave!"

"But frank-"

"FUCKING LEAVE! LEAVE ME ALONE AND STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE IN A HOLE YOU PRICK!"


	6. Secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone

After Gerard had left or more me forcing him to leave I ran back upstairs and locked myself into my bathroom. I took out another razor blade for shaving and hit it against the sink until the plastic part holding the actual blades broke.

I removed all five of the blades and turned on the shower. I removed all my clothes and the dressing on my cuts from earlier. I stepped into the shower and sat down. I had one of those bath and shower ones so I sat in the tub while the water hit my back.

I picked up on of the five pieces of metal and dragged it across my left hip. I kept cutting until I had a steady steam of blood trickling down my skin.

As as I was moving so that I could cut the other hip I accidentally dropped the blade I was using down the drain. I quickly reached for one of the other four and brought it to my right hip.

I knew new my mom wouldn't be home for at least 4 more hours and I knew Alex would be upset but other than that I saw no other reasons not to just end it right now.

I pushed down as hard as I could with the blade and hissed at the pain as I dragged it down my hip making an extremely deep cut that if I wasn't trying to die would need stitches immediately.

Something I wasn't expecting happened though. I heard banging on the bathroom door and I thought I could hear someone yelling. The voice sounded familiar but I couldn't place it. Then everything went black.

***************

i woke up to the sounds of two people fighting. I opened my eyes and saw mikey way and my mom yelling at each other

"what the fuck happened!" My mom yelled at mikey who was extremely pale and looked like he had been crying.

"I-I don't know I came over to see why he wasn't in school a-and he didn't answer me when I knocked so I ran upstairs and found him like this!"

My mom turned to look at me and realized that I was awake. She instantly bent down and hugged me. "Frankie why?" She asked. "Why? I'm trying so hard to make you feel better and I can't make anything better if you don't tell me what's wrong so Frankie why did you do this!?" she asked hugging me and I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt.

Shirt. Clothes. I looked around and noticed I was back in my room and that my hips were all taped up and that I was wearing a T-shirt and sweat pants.

Im guessing my mom stitched up my deep cuts since she's a nurse and knows how much I hate hospitals. We literally have a whole closet full of medical supplies just so that we'd have everything we'd need and it'd be rare that I'd have to go to the hospital.

"Michael I think you should leave now." My mom said giving him a sad look. He nodded and was about to leave but I called out his name stopping him.  
he turned towards me. "Y-yea?"

"you can't tell gerard."

"but"

"mikey please listen to me. You can't tell gerard anything please!" I begged ready to cry.

He saw my face and gave a weak nod. "Ok I won't tell him." And with that he left.


	7. Mirror, mirror

My mom came over and sat on the bed next to me.  
"Frank why?" She asked

I mumbled an 'I don't know' under my breath.

"Frank this is the fourth FOURTH! Time I've almost lost you!" She cried. In my head I mentally corrected her 'six times.'

"baby please talk to me. We've only been here three days! Is it really that bad here?" She asked giving me a sad look.

"frank are the kids at school picking on you again?" she asked. I didn't answer but I guess that gave her my answer.  
"Ugh frank I'm sorry. What do they even pick on you for I mean name one reason!"

"I'm a suicidal faggot."

"frank don't day that about yourself. There's nothing wrong with being gay, and I'm sure you'll find someone eventually." She said hopefully.

"Ya ill date someone then well get serious and he'll see my scars and leave me." I said harshly.

"When exactly did that start?" She said pointing to my hips. Shit I forgot she didn't know.

"I don't know." I said barely loud enough to hear.

"Frank please don't lie to me."

"Fine like four months ago."

I looked up at her and noticed she had begun to cry. "Mom don't cry."

"No! It's my fault that your like this!" She cried. "I never believed you about your dad and then things went to far and I still didn't believe you until after everything!"

"Mom this is not your fault. I just have issues...."

"yea but they could've been prevented! I can't even look at your dad after-"

"don't talk about him!" I snapped

"frank I haven't talked about him once in three years and-"

"mom stop!"

"Frank wether or not you like it he's your father! I still haven't even talked to him except at court and it's time me and you talk about him-"

"he is not my parent You are! not him! Now please drop it!" I snapped at her aggressively.

She looked taken aback at my tone but quickly composed herself. "Frank I'm trying I really am trying to make your life better. Just tell me what I can do to help!"

"Mom you don't have to do anything. but I'm staying home from school for a couple days I'm not going in after..."

"Frank there is absolutely no way I'm letting you stay home by yourself after this! you are going to go to school."

"making me go will just make things worse." I said quietly.  
"frank is it really that bad already?"  
I nodded and she sighed.

"Fine. you can stay home but If you don't answer a call or text from me you will never be allowed to stay home again."

I nodded and mumbled thank you to her.  
"frank get some sleep you've had a long day." She said before getting up and leaving my room.

*************************  
time lapse   
gees pov

I hadn't seen frank in three days. After what I saw I was pretty worried. I had honestly thought he had died. Frank having that anxiety attack in front of me seriously shook me up. It was terrifying to watch.

Mikey had had also been pretty quiet these last couple days. Mikey was quiet in general in front of everyone except me but lately he wouldn't say more than he had to.

I walked to lunch and went to sit with mikey, ray, and bob, but it ended up just being me and mikey since ray and bob had landed in detention.

"Hey mikes." I said but only received a head nod in return. It was weird for mikey to be acting like this.

"Do you know where franks been?"

As soon as I asked mikey nearly chocked on his lunch.  
"whoa mikey what's wrong?" I asked

"why? I thought you hated frank." He said completely ignoring my previous question.

"I never said I hated him. I said he was an emo faggot." I replied.

"you should quit calling him that." Mikey mumbled barley loud enough for me to hear.

"Excuse me?"

"I said you should quit calling him that." He said agin but this time louder and with confidence in his voice.

"why should I?"

"nothing just forget it." He said going back to eating his lunch,

"no mikey go ahead and tell me I'd love to hear your reasoning." I said mockingly.

"Gee I'd just back off him ok." He said then stood and left the cafeteria.

I stood and went To find him but the bell rang so the halls were now filled with people. I only had math this afternoon so I decided to ditch and maybe stop by ieros.

mrs. Iero seemed nice when we met her and I doubt she'd let frank stay home for three days just because he wanted to. I walked to franks but ran into my house and threw my backpack in my room. For some reason I stopped to brush my hair and make sure I looked decent before I walked next door.

I went up to franks door and knocked. To my surprise franks mom answered. She must've been off today because from what I know she a nurse and works almost all day.

What at surprised me even further is when frank walked down the stairs with nothing but underwear on, and hips were taped up with gauze. The creepy part was that the gauze was soaked in blood. Frank hadn't seen me yet and began talking to his mom obviously not know I was there.

"hey mom don't get mad but I kinda pulled t the stitches and they started bleeding-"  
he stopped talking so I'm guessing he saw me.

"Frank gerard is here." Him mom said kindly.  
"I'm not fucking blind I can see that." He said sharply. "Now ell him to fucking leave!" He snapped before running back upstairs.

I had never once found another boy attractive in my life until I saw frank in just his underwear. He was actually really good looking.

"I'm sorry he's been acting like that the last couple days and won't talk to me." His mom said snapping me out of my thoughts. Before she could ask me to leave I spoke up. "Can I try to talk to him as a friend?" I asked hoping she'd say yes.

She he took a few seconds before deciding. "Yea it's worth a shot but he might not want to talk." She said before stepping aside inviting me into the house .

i walked upstairs to franks room and opened the door frank was just sitting on his bed still just in underwear.  
"Mom go away." He said not looking up. He sounded like he was crying.

"Frank?"

His is head shot up at my voice. "What the fuck!" He yelled grabbing the closets pair of pants and throwing them on but not bothering with a shirt.

"Why are you here?" He snapped. "If your here to make fun of me or hit me again I've been trough enough this week so please just leave."

"actually I stopped to see why you hadn't been in school." I said stepping. Closer to him. He just started at the floor not looking up at me. I sat on his bed and he mumbled something under his breath but I didn't hear it.

"What?"

He looked up at me and his face confirmed my original thought that he had been crying.

"fucking leave. You hate me anyways so just go."

"I never said I hated you."

"Well your actions made that part clear so wanna leave now?"

"no I'm not leaving until I get an answer as to why you weren't in school all week so far." I replied.

He he again averted his gaze to his lap instead of me. "Listen I don't wanna talk about it ok?" He said sounding like he was about to cry again.

"Why-HOLY SHHIT FRANK YOUR BLEEDING!" I yelled pointing at the giant red spot soaking through his sweat pants. 'Shit' I heard him say to himself.

He called his mom upstairs and asked me to leave the room for a minute which I only agreed to because of his mom. Ten minutes later his mom came out of the room But told ms frank was changing and not to go in yet.

I gave him like three minutes and walked in. I wasn't expecting what I saw. Frank was standing in front of a mirror in just boxers again and he was crying. I noticed he was staring at his wrapped up legs.

Both the legs were gauzed from the knee up. I walked closer to him but he must've seen me in the reflection on the mirror because he turned to me.  
He looked straight into my eyes "are you fucking happy now?" He said gesturing to his legs. I had no idea what he meant but I had a feeling he was about to tell me.


	8. It's always your fault

Gees pov

"frank what are you talking about ? Why would I be happy?"

"just forget it." He said wiping his tears away.

"No tell me."

"no."

"Why not? When I asked mikey about you he acted like you had died."

"What did he tell you?!" He asked harshly. His mood changing from upset to defensive.

Franks pov

"he didn't tell me anything that why I was so curious." Gerard stated honestly. I didn't say anything I just looked at gerard who was staring at me or more so my legs.

"your bleeding again." He said quietly pointing to my legs. I looked down and sure enough where I had pulled the stitches was bleeding and soaking through the gauze again.

I had had told my mom not to re-stitch them when I called her in because I knew I'd pull them out again. I only put new gauze ontop but it was obvious that they needed stitched.

"Hold on I'll be back." I said and walked into my bathroom.

"Do you need help?"

I was was surprised he'd even offer since he's such a dick. I would've liked help but not under the circumstances. I didn't want him to know why I was bleeding so I said no.

i locked the the door and removed the gauze. As I went to grab a new one I bumped one of the deeper cuts against the counter and it reopened and began to start bleeding again.

"shit gerard go get my mom." I called. These definetly needed re stitched and I'd rather her do it than me.

"I can't find her. Are you ok?" He asked  
"what time is it?"  
"Like 2:30 why?"

Shit she must've left for work.

"frank what's going on?" He sounded worried. I was also beginning to worry. Either I stitched these myself or I had gerard take me to the hospital. Which meant he'd find out why. I mean he wouldn't just drive me there without a reason.

"Frank?" He said knocking lightly on the door.  
"Frank!" He called and his light knocking turned to frantic pounding.

The he stuff is need for stitches was in the downstairs closet. I made up my mind and spoke. "Gerard I'm going to come out and go downstairs, but I need you to shut your eyes and keep them shut until I say."

"But-"

"ok?" I said again.  
"ok." He replied weakly.  
"Alright I'm coming out so eyes shut." I had underwear on and I wrapped a towel around my waist so there was no way he'd be able to see my actual cuts, but he'd be able to see the trail of blood running down my leg from them.

*************

I finished stitching them up Without to much difficultly and pit new gauze on. I walked up to my room in only underwear since I had left the sweatpants in my bathroom.

As as soon as I walked in I saw a horror-stricken faced gerard. He was staring at blood on th floor from when I had walked out.  
"W-what's that? Frank what's going on!?" He yelled.

"Gerard calm down!" I snapped back. I was getting really sick of him. He is the human who ruined my new life.

"Calm down! There's fucking blood all over the floor and you want me to calm down!?" He yelled walking over to me. He shoved me in the chest sending me back a few steps. "Frank tell me what's going on now!"

"No! You don't deserve to know!"

"And why would that be!?"

"because you fucking caused it!" I yelled and ran downstairs.

I was was crying really hard and I could barley see. I ran into the basement and there's on some clothes that were laying around down there. I sat and cried for what felt like forever when I decided that I wanted to talk to someone that knew what was going on already.

I called mikey.


	9. Xoxox

It rang for a while before I hung up. I guess mikey didn't want to talk to me. Then I realized there was still an hour until school et out so he wasn't going to answer me if he was in class. I threw my phone giants the wall near the wall, and began crying, holding my knees close to my chest.

I didn't notice gerard standing in the doorway until he gasped when the phone almost hit him.  
"Frank?...." He whispered timidly scared that he'd make the wrong move or say the wrong thing.

"Can you please leave?! You've caused enough damage to me already!" I growled at him.

"Frank what the hell are you talking about!" He screamed. "I have no idea what the fuck is going on! With you or anything else! Please just tell me what's happening and how I'm involved!" He yelled at me.

I was fed up at this point and I really didn't give a shit If scarred him or not by showing him my cuts. I was already scared enough myself and half of that was from him anyway.

I ripped off my clothes until I was in just my boxers.  
"Frank what're you doing?..."

"You wanna know whats going on then ill show you!" I snapped pointing at my legs.

"Frank I don't want to see your junk-"  
he began but I cut him off by punching him as hard as I could in the gut causing him to double over in pain.

"God this not about me trying to flirt with you for fucks sake!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "It about you making making my life such a living hell! I'd never! ever! consider even becoming close enough to you so that you'd see my junk! Your fucking prick, asshole, mother fucking homophobic cunt! And this is what's your fault!"

With that i ripped off the bandages and pulls up the legs of my boxers only revealing my cuts.

Gerad eyes widened instantly. He stared for a moment before clamping his hand over his mouth and began crying. Almost gasping for air since his sobs were so deep. I had no idea why he was crying since he had no trouble causing this in the first place.

He walked closer and kneeled down in front of me. He looked at me first before extending a hand to lightly touch the stitched cut on my right hip. He moved my boxers but just to see more of the cuts not to see my personal area.

He stood up and looked at me. I couldn't make out his emotion but I knew my emotion was still pissed off and that my face was showing it.

But gerard did the unthinkable, he pulled me into a hug and then

he kissed me.


	10. Understand this!

I stood there frozen in place. I couldn't kiss back. I didn't want him kissing me in the first place. He pulled back and looked at me with fear in his eyes as he realized what he had just done.

He backed away from me and being the coward he was ran. He left.  
He kissed me after I showed him my scars and he just fucking runs.

********************************************************

the next day at school I avoid not just gerard but everyone. I keep my head down and my hood up as I walk from class to class. I was being so paranoid that gerard was going to tell people we kissed but when I thought about it and his reputation as a homophobic cunt, I decided that he probably wouldn't tell anyone.

being in almost every class with him made my day about ten times worse. He didn't speak to me and I didn't look at him, but I could feel him watching me throughout most of the day.

he was probably paranoid that I'd tell someone he'd kissed me. If I had one friend besides Alex who lived almost four hours away from me now then I probably would've told them but it's just me and my mind now.

During my last class of the day which was calculus I was just sitting in the back working on the problems assigned and enjoying that I didn't have Gerard in this class when my teacher calls my name.

I look to the front of the room and see the devil himself standing next to my calc teacher. "Mr.Iero please go with Gerard. Your science teacher needs to borrow you for a moment." He said dully and shooing gem out of the room withGerard no questions asked.

Maas soon as we were out the door I tried to run but a firm grasp on my wrist stopped me. "Gerard let me go!" I snapped.

"No we need to talk!" He said sounding pissed off.  
"No we don't!"  
"yes we do now SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He yelled in my face causing me to cower away from him.

he dragged me into the empty gym and pulled me under the bleachers on the far side of the gym.

"did you tell anyone?" Was his first question.

"Who the fuck would I tell?" I shot back.

"Frank I'm being serious! You didn't tell any friends or anything?"

I began feeling weak but was still pissed off. "If I had friends I wouldn't tell them anyway......bastard" I said mumbling the last part.

"What?" He said and he seemed taken aback but I wasn't sure why.

"No Gerard I didn't tell anyone." I repeated.

"Why'd you say you didn't have any friends?" He asked.

I wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth but it did and I was kind if surprised that he even payed attention to what I had been saying.  
"Because i don't." I answered bluntly.

"Why cause your a faggot?" He said with his normal dick personality coming back. I hated it because it was just a front he used to cover something else inside but I wasn't sure what he was covering yet.

"YOU KISSED ME GERARD!"

he he slapped his hand over my mouth and shushed me.  
"keep it down!"

"Well you did!" I fought back angrily.

"God...I know I'm sorry it just I don't understand...."

"understand what?" I asked awkwardly

"can you show me them again....the cuts...."

"No."

"Why not?" He retorted

"why should I?" I shot back just as fast.

"Frank just show me....I'm really confused so just help me understand."

 

I thought for a moment before letting a bitchy comeback out. "No your just a fucking prick. I'm not going to give you the privilege of seeing what you've done to me. So understand this faggot!" I yelled and flipped him off walking out of the gym.


	11. Reason

Gerard chased me as I ran out of the gym. I was a lot faster than him so I was able to stay ahead but I knew I couldn't run home. Mom would still be home until three and I was supposed to be at therapy right now.

I prayed that Gerard would just give up on chasing me but when I turned to check he was still running pretty close behind me. "Shit." I mumbled under my breath. I may be fast but smokers lungs are a bitch.

I was running down Main Street towards therapy hoping that Gerard would give up. Instead of running straight into the office I ran into an alley near it.

Of course it was a fucking dead end. My life seriously felt like movie right now. Instead of trying to stay quiet I began coughing violently. My lungs felt like they were on fire. I was doubled over in pain from my coughing fit.

"Frank what the hell are you ok?!" It was Gerard. I looked up for a second to see that he had a concerned expression on his face. I was about to answer but couldn't because I started coughing again.

"Frank?"

"Smokers *cough* lungs asshole."

"Please quit calling me an asshole!" He snapped. "I was trying to see if you were ok for Christ's sake!"

I kept coughing but the coughing didn't stop my fist from colliding with his face.  
I heard a crunch noise and saw his nose gushing blood. He was now the one doubled over in pain. With his hands over his nose.

"You faggot!" He yelled and lunged at me.  
i ducked out of the way and ran. At this point I didn't care if my mom was still home my main goal was not to be killed by Gerard.

he chased me with his bleeding nose all the way to our street. I ran up as fast as I could to my door and ran in slamming the door in his face. He began pounding furiously and all the commotion caused my mom to come running down stairs.

I tried to stop her from answering the door but she moved me out of the way which wasn't hard because I was smaller than her and gasped when she saw Gerard's bloody face.

"Oh my his sweetie what happened!!?" She said about to let him in but I stopped her and tried to push the door shut with all my strength.

"Franklin jr! Stop it!"

"Mom you are not letting him in this house!" I screamed still trying to keep the door closed. Eras had stopped pounding by now and was basically just listening to me and my moms fight.

 

"And why would that be!" She fought back.

"Because he's the fucking reason! NOT DAD HIM! HES THE FUCKING ONLY REASON!"

As as soon as I said that my mom slammed the door shit and locked it. She then turned to me and pulled me into a hug.  
"Is it really him?" She asked sounding defeated.


	12. Will we ever meet again?

"Frankie he didn't.....y'know......did he."

"no mom he didn't. we already went over this please quit bringing that up!" I snapped at her. I knew she was just looking out for me but this week she's been constantly bringing up a subject I want to avoid.

"Frank I feel like if you talk about what happened you'll feel better. you've been keeping it locked up inside of your for three years!"

"and that's how it should be! locked up where no one can get to it."

she gave me a look of sadness before changing the topic back to Gerard. "then what did Gerard do to you and why did he look like someone tried to brake his nose?

I sighed knowing that I'd have to tell her and that I'd probably end up crying during the story. "he picks on me constantly! I can't do anything to stop him! I didn't even do anything in the first place! faggot! whore! idiot! homo! emo! it hurts when he calls me that mom. I couldn't take it anymore. he's the reason that my cutting was so deep. it was supposed to be my end but then his fucking brother has to come and save me when I didn't want fucking saved!" I choked out. tears were now flowing freely down my face.

"frank I just....why the hell do people always pick on you?! why out of all people it has to be my son?!"  
"because I'm an easy target." I mumbled.

"do you want me to talk to mr. or mrs. way?"  
"NO!" I yelled.  
"just please don't it'll just make it worse for me ok? just let it go."

she nodded at me but then a look of realization washed over her face.

"mom what is it?"

"frank you know tomorrow's October 1st right?"

shit shit shit shot shit shit shit shit .

"please don't make me go!" I begged.

"frank your gonna be 16 it's court orders he sees you tomorrow so we can set up dates.....he only wants to see you on your birthday. that's the only date he gave us. you'll have to see him at court tomorrow"

the tears began once again.

" mom I'm not ready to see him." I whispered.

"I'm scared."


	13. Don't make me

Gees pov

after franks mom rudely slammed the door in my face all I could hear was frank crying an his mom trying to calm him down, and something about him being scared.

i decided I'd just confront him tomorrow before school.

The next day as I sat on my porch waiting I noticed that there was some yelling coming from franks house. He was yelling at his mom and she was yelling right back, but what schocked me is when his mom literally dragged him outside.

Frank was was crouched down trying to hold his weight in one spot so his mom couldn't pull him and he was crying.

Why was he crying? why was his mom dragging him? Why did he look so scared?

surely he wasn't going to school. There's no way he'd be this scared and I doubt his mom would actually force him to go if he was this upset about something.

Franks eyes yes caught mine as he was shaking his head back and forth screaming no at his mom. He stood up and ran over to me. He hugged me from behind and locked his arms around my waist using me as a sheild.

"Frank get off gerard now!" His mom said sounding extremely pissed.  
"No!!! Please mom I'll spend the day with him and work things out just don't make me go!!" He cried.

His is mom tried unlatching him from me but for being a little dude he was stronger than I thought. "Please mom please!" He begged again.

"No frank! I dont want you to keep hiding from this your whole damn life!" She yelled at him. I don't think I've ever heard her swear so that was a surprise.

"Gerard tell her not to make me go!" He yelled righting his hold on my waist.  
"I don't even know what the fucks going on!" I yelled but not in a rude tone just a confused one.

"Frank I'll make you a deal. You go right now and gerard can go with you since I'm not allowed." Frank tried to cut her off but she kept going. "If you make it through the session without freaking out or running I'll let you get the guitar you want."

As as soon as she said that I felt frank loosen his grip but not let go. "But gerard has school." He stated.

"Gerard sweetie I know you and frank aren't exactly friends but this would mean a lot to me and I won't tell anyone you skipped and I'll pay you back somehow.

I nodded and agreed but then a thought crossed my mind. "Where the fuck are we going?"


	14. Monsters

My mom had convinced gerard to go with me after he denied once she said I was going to court. She didn't say why but I sure as hell wasn't going to say anything until I had too.

We arrived at the court house and my mom walked me in before being told that she wasn't allowed any further because of the restraining order in place for my dad.

They arent allowed within fifty feet of each other according to the restraining order but I don't think they'd ever willingly get that close after what happened.

I might as we'll explain what happened to gerard somewhat so he's not going to freak when he hears. I already know I'm going to freak out just from seeing my dad for the first time in almost three years but if gerard was freaking out there would be no one there to comfort me.

"Gee...." I whispered using his nickname mikey used all the time. It felt like the appropriate time to call him that. Calling him gerard would just add tension. He looked at me and waited for me to continue.

"Before we go in there." I said nodding towards the door that the judge, my dad, and probably some security guards were behind. "I think you should at least know what's going on....or what happened."

"I was kinda wondering but I didn't really wanna press it...but why can I go in with you and not your mom?" He said awkwardly.

"my dads behind that door......I haven't seen him in three years and my mom.....my mom can't go in because there's a restraining order between them." I said averting my eyes to the ground.

"listen gerar-gee. I don't know what's goning to happen or really why I have to see him at all but......"  
I sighed and took a deep breath. I felt tears begin to flow down my face. I was about to continue but my name was called for me to enter the court room.

I looked at at gerard and grabbed his hand. "Listen I just can't say it. I can't bring myself to relive it just promise me you won't freak out when you find out what happened." I paused for a moment before looking directly into his eyes. "I'm scared."

"Is it really that bad?" He asked chewing on his lip. I would've responded but the judge called my name again. I walked slowly into the room and didn't like what I saw.

The judge and my dad were sitting at a table. The Judge (judge mason) was on the end and my dad was sitting on one side facing the chair meant for me.

i squeezed Gerard's hand harder not wanting him to let go. I know we really don't get along and I basically think he should rot in hell but anyone in the world was a better person than my dad in my mind.

The security guard pulled another chair over for gerard and told us to take a seat. I was gnawing on my lip ring violently trying to literally bite back my tears. I sat down slowly staring at my dad. He was looking looking at me. Just looking at my whole body and it made me feel uncomfortable.

"Frank you've changed a lot." He whispered before the judge silenced him.

"Mr.iero who is the man with you." Judge asked.  
"He's here for support. His names gerard." I said not wanting to tell the judge that we actually hated each other. At the moment we probably looked like a couple not a bully and his victim.

"Ok well then let's continue." He said picking up some documents.  
"Frank your father has requested to spend your sixteenth birthday with you. Your mother doesn't have full custody and technically he should be allowed to see you whenever he wants but because of the circumstances your birthday if spent your father will be supervised we just need your approval and we need to review what happened to confirm that neither of your stories have changed."

"They weren't fucking stories." I spat out trying to stay calm.

"Mr. Iero please only speak when I speak to you."  
he said coldly.

"Now franklin jr. Would you like to tell me what happened between you two. If your storie still matches up it will look less of a lie even If you claim it isnt. Remember I'm a judge I wasn't there to see wether this actually happened or not so please tell me what happened."

I sat there just looking at mine and gerards hands linked together. I didn't feel comfortable. I could feel my 'dad' and Gerard looking at me.

"Mr.iero we're waiting."

"he raped me."

I had barely whispered the words but I felt Gerard's hand stiffen.

"please elaborate."

I bit my lip and continued while staring at the ground and nothing else.

"I was thirteen almost fourteen and had just been in my room playing guitar. He...he had lately been yelling at me more and would hit me and call me a cunt and a failure and say that I was a walking fuck up. one night though he took me out to a movie as an apology.....mom was at work and when we got to the movies we were the only ones there. Half way through he pinned me against my seat and straddled me...."

I was stumbling over my words because I was crying. I would've continued but I broke down in front of everyone and began shaking a sobbing violently.

"Mr.iero jr. Thank you, you don't have to continue but I have some questions to ask if you could please answer yes or no." He said still sounding completely cold.

"Was this the first time you're father had ever touched you in a sexual way?"  
"No."  
"Had he ever touched you in public or acted inappropriate around you in front of family?"  
"Yes."  
"Had you ever told him that you wanted him to touch you?"  
"no"  
"were you gay at that point in time."  
"I was bi."  
"Are you still interested in the same gender as you in any way?"  
"Yes."  
"were you ever attracted to your father?"  
"No."  
"Is it true that your father raped you numerous times?"  
"Yes."  
"Was the sex ever consensual?"  
"No."  
"Did he ever fully rape you by entering you?"  
"Yes."  
"You were suicidal at that point in time before this happened correct?"  
"yes."  
"You still are suicidal but have been attending therapy daily?"  
"Yes."  
"Was your father ever a reason you wanted to die?"  
"Yes."  
"are you comfortable with spending your sixteenth birthday with him under supervision?"  
"No."  
"And the reason being?"  
"He's a fucking monster!"


	15. Friends?

"Ok thank you frank jr. Now frank sr. I have some questions for you." Judge mason said.  
"ok shoot." My dad said sounding confident.

I could feel Gerard's eyes burning holes into my skin. He hadn't taken his eyes off me after I had said I had been raped.  
i didn't dare look at him so I forced myself to watch my dad.

"Frank is you biological son?"  
"yes."  
"He was thirteen when you began making him uncomfortable?"

My my dad took a minute to respond.  
"Yes."  
"you were physically attracted to your own son?"  
"yes..."  
"did you ever make him do things sexually that he didn't want to?"  
"Yes."  
"You raped your son?"  
"yes but-"  
"no buts, and don't interrupt me. now are you still attracted to your son in any way physically?"  
"No."

the judge wrote something down before standing. "I will make my final decision about whether or not to let you two spend his birthday together. While I'm deciding you two talk to each other. We'll be monitoring you three but we want you to prove that you can be left together." He said in his 'I'm a judge so I'm better than you' tone and then left the room waving just me my dad and gerard.

I stared at the ground not wanting to talk and just leave but my dad spoke up.

"You've changed a lot frank, I mean look at you." He said in what sounded like awe. Even though he hurt me if I was in his place I'd still care about my son.

"Yea." Was all I said.

"So when did you get the tattoos?" He said pointing to my hands which had a fair amount of ink on them.

"I don't know I have a lot..." I said awkwardly. Most people never see my tattoos because I like to wear baggy clothes and sweatshirts almost all the time.

"And the piercings?"

"I don't know but I only have the three. My gauges my nose ring and lip ring...."

"Uhm I don't mean to come off as rude but is this your boyfriend?"" He said pointing at gerard.

"No he's just a friend and he's my neighbor..."

"Frank I've been wanting to ask you one question for a while and haven't really gotten the chance but....how are your thoughts?"

I was was surprised that he even remembered my suicidal thoughts. Mom was always at work so dad dealt with my depression before our relationship went down hill.

"uh there probably the same.....I mean I guess since there not getting worse that's good...right?"

"yea it is....frank I really hope you'll consider spending your birthday with me. I know how much you always loved your birthday I see the tattoo." He said pointing to the Halloween inked across my knuckles.

"What other tattoos do you have?"

"Uhh...here." I said taking off my hoodie so he could see my sleeves.

"These are really cool frank." He said giving me a genuine smile. "What's this one mean?" He said quietly. He was pointing at the heart with swords through it on my upper arm that said I miss you terribly around it.

"It stands for someone I miss."

"Who?" He said and I could tell he hoped it was him.

"Alex....."

"What happened with him?"

"He's still alive it just sucks not seeing him."

"Oh..."

 

***************************************

it was official I had to spend my birthday with my dad.

We left the courtroom And gerard was silent the whole way to my house. I had called my mom and told her we'd just walk it was only twenty minutes and I needed time to think.

"Are you ok?" I said poking gerard in the arm. He looked almost sick.

"God I should be asking you that......frank I had no idea."

"No one knows about my dad-"

"I meant about you being suicidal."

"Well the cuts may have given that away....."

"No I never pieced it together. I just thought it was a way to cope not an exit out of the world."

I didnt really get a chance to respond because gerard pulled me into a hug "I'm so fucking sorry. I never should've treated you like that."

"Gerard I accept your apology but I don't want any of your pity." I said being honest.

"What...."

"I mean lets be honest if you didn't happen to get dragged into this and go with me you'd still be calling me an emo faggot."

he looked shocked for a moment. "I know....I just fuck....I'm a dick."

****************

we walked down out street just talking about normal things nothing that amazing.  
"Hey frank do you wanna hang out? Or like spend the night at one of our houses? I feel like shit and I kinda wanna make it up."

I thought for for a moment before deciding. "ya how about I spend the night at yours?"

"Yea awesome." He said smiling at me.

"I'll be over soon I kinda want a minute to talk to my mom and get my things."

"Ok cya soon." He sods and walked next door to his house.


	16. Smiles

I told my mom what had happened and she told me she was sorry numerous times that I had to spend my birthday with him. I told her I'd be spending the night at Gerard's since it was a Friday and that I'd make sure to get up for therapy.

she reluctantly agreed because she didn't want me to miss therapy since I may have ditched a couple times this week.  
I went up to my room to get a bag ready for the night. I threw in some money my toothbrush my phone and phone charger and some clothes for tomorrow. I decided to change into my pajamas while I was at my house so I wouldn't make things awkward over there. First I don't like changing in front of anyone because I don't exactly like my body and second I don't need them both staring at my wrapped legs.

my pajamas consisted of a misfits t shirt that was pretty old but I liked it and it showed off most of my tattoo sleeves since it was a cut off and some green and black plaid pajama pants.

I also grabbed a seriously faded smashing pumpkins sweatshirt in case it was cold.

I kisse ss my mom goodbye after grabbing a pack of cigarettes from my stash and leaving.

I knocked and Gerard opened the door smiling at me. "Hey frank....why are you in your pajamas already?" He said looking a little hurt and confused. I'm going to go with he was hurt because he thought I didn't want to change in his house or that he was making me uncomfortable.

"No reason." I said back smiling at him and stepped into his house. I had never really been inside the ways house. I mean ya if been in like twice with my mom but I only stood in the entry way.

"Follow me." Gerard said smiling. He lead me to the basement which looked more like a bed room. "Hey frank."

I almost had had a heart attack when someone said hello from behind me in the room. I guess they noticed me jump a little because they spoke up. "It's just me Mikey don't panic." He said laughing "Hey gee what movie are we watching?"

"uhm I was gonna let frank pick. Frank here pick one out of this that you want to watch" He said pulling out a crate of DVDs from under his bed.

"pick a good one Frankie." Mikey said laughing and taking a seat on the futon.

"Here." I said pulling out the nightmare before Christmas one of my favorite movies. "Is this a bedroom?" I asked curious.

"Uh yea it's gees room he's weird he wanted to live in the basement."

"No I think it's cool I was just wondering."

"Thanks." Gerard said smiling at me for complimenting his room.

"I love this movie." He said putting into the tv

"it's my favorite, or one of them."

"Cool we found something in common." He said smiling again. I liked when he smiled it looked good on him.

"Well let's watch it." Mikey said making himself comfortable on the futon. Gee jumped on his bed and I just kinda stood there awkwardly.

"Uhh...."

"oh uhm you can lay with me on the bed if you want..." Gerard said awkwardly. It was kind of cute how he wasn't sure to ask wether or not I wanted to lay with him. Im still mad at gerard but I like this side of him a lot. If he's always this kind and smiley towards me we could probably become really good friends. I miss having Alex around since he was my only friend and it's be really nice to have someone there for me again.

"Sure" I said quietly and laid down next to him on the bed but on the side against the wall. He again smiled at me and we began to watch the movie.

***************

i woke up to my phone alarm to get up for therapy ringing.  
I didn't move to turn it off and I had completely forgotten I was in Gerard's room until I felt a arm around my waist being removed. I opened my eyes and saw Gerard staring at me.

i realized I was laying on his chest and had an arm draped over his waist seriously close to his crotch. Like dangerously close my hand was on his happy trail.

i shot up immediately and jumped out of bed. I grabbed my phone and turned off the alarm.  
"I-I'm so sorry." I said biting at my lip ring. I was nervous he'd be mad at me for falling asleep on him and for where I was touching him while I slept.

i grabbed my bag and picked it up. "Wait where are you going?" Gerard asked urgently but he wasn't mad he seemed almost upset.

"Y-you aren't mad at me?"

"no no I'm not mad at you!" He said again urgently. "Why would I be mad?"

"Uh-just...I-well...sorry?" I awkwardly.

"don't be sorry I'm not mad at you. How come you have an alarm set?"

"oh uh well I have to go to therapy.....mom said I couldn't miss again."

he he gave me a dad look before nodding his head.

"Is there uh somewhere I can change?" I asked not wanting to sound weird or scared.

"You can just change in here." He said casually. "I mean were both boys."

"oh uhm....ok."

"Frank if it makes you uncomfortable with me being here while you change I'll leave."

"No!" I said not wanton to offend him. "It's fine I'll just change quick."

I quickly tore off my shirt an pants. I slid my skinny jeans on and went to put on my shirt but I couldn't find it. I dug and dug praying I hadn't forgotten one. After what felt like forever I found my shirt and pulled it on. I turned to look at gerard. He was staring at me. staring at my body obviously checking me out.

I didn't think gerard was gay but I'm positive he was staring at my ass. I didn't say anything just continued putting things back in my bag. I stood and finally spoke again.

"Well I have to go." I said sadly. I really didn't want to leave and especially not to go to therapy.

"do you want me to come?"

I thought for a moment before nodding. "I guess if you want."

"Ya I don't mind just let me get dressed." He said sending me that damn smile again


	17. Kiss me goodbye

"So what do you do at therapy?" Gerard asked as we began the walk to the therapists office.

"Well a 50 year old who has a degree from the collage of douche bags sits there and asks me questions and then tells me that he can fix my problems."

"what are your problems?"

"Gee I don't think you really want to know." I said seriously.

He jut smiled at me. "why are you smiling?"

"You called me gee." He said smirking.

I realized the mistake I had just made. Only his friends called him that name. "Shit I'm sorry I know oy your friends call you to hat it's just mikey called you that last night and-"

"frank were friends now."

I couldnt believe what I was hearing. Gerard wanted to be my friend..... I had a friend.

"Are you being serious?" I asked sounding doubtful.

"Yea your actually a really cool kid iero." He said smiling at me.

******************************

i sat in the therapists office waiting for dr. Ryan to show up. I hated how everything to do with doctors they'd send you into a room and make you wait for twenty minutes until the Doctor actually showed up.

"Where Is he?" Gerard or gee asked.

"He should be here soon." I said back lamely.

Gee re looked bored out of his mind and I felt bad for making him come even though he offered. I was about to tell him be could leave when dr.ryan walked in.

"Hello frank." He said kindly but it was all just apart of his act.

"hey."

"And who would this be?" He said pointing at gerard.

"Just a friend."

"Frank that's wonderful! You finally made a friend!" He smiled at me but this time it was genuine smile.  
"Do you have your journal for me?"

"oh..uhhhh well no." I said awkwardly scratching the back of my neck.

"And why not?"

"I burned it...."

"Why would you do that?" He said looking really confused, and gerard looked confused too.

"I had a bad night and I burned it...."

"Frank did you cut on your 'bad night'?"

I shyly nodded feeling like id I say something wrong and he'd yell at me or I'd freak gee out and he'd leave.

"Pants off let me see."

Gerard looked at dr. Ryan in utter disbelief when he said that.  
I knew he'd watch again or look at the cuts.

I stood undid my belt and pulled my skinnies down to my ankles. I awkwardly undid the gauze and pulled my underwear up to show the cuts accidentally flashing some of my junk at dr.ryan.

My face heated up and I fixed my boxers praying that dr.ryan and gee especially hadn't noticed. I shot a quick glance over at gee and by the way he was looking away awkwardly I could tell he'd seen.

His is face was red and he looked nervous. He didn't seem mad or disgusted though he just looked flustered.

***********************

the walk home was basically silent. In fact Gerard had remained silent since that awkward moment in dr. Ryan's office.

we reached our street and I figured that he'd just automatically not want me at his house so I turned down my walk way.

"Hey where are you going?"

"Uh home?" I said quietly. I couldn't tell his emotion but it wasn't angry it seemed more upset.

"you don't wanna come over? I mean we could watch another movie or something."

"Are you sure?"

"Ya! Totally...unless you don't want to..."

"No sounds fun." I said smiling up at him.

*************************

it was almost midnight and we'd spent the day just watching movies. Mikey was spending the day at some kid named bobs house so it was just us two.

Even though the futon was open both of us were laying on the bed together. We weren't like on top of each other or anything just close like friends would be.

We were currently watching Edward scissors hands. We were at the part where they finally kiss and I could feel gerard staring at me.it was weird because I could figure out why he was staring at me.

As they were kissing I snapped and turned my head. "Why are you staring at me."

He he didn't say anything, instead he grabbed my face and kissed me.


	18. Im human too you know

He was kissing me gerard was kissing me. I didn't want him to kiss me. I know Gerard's good looking and I'm gay but I never pictured us together in any way.

That may be because he fucking ruined my new life but I never thought of us together or even as friends until yesterday.

i kissed back in fear of what he'd do if I didn't. I wasn't scared of kissing him it's just I still feel somewhat uncomfortable around him.

As soon as I had begun to kiss back after the initial shock faded he swung his leg over me and straddled me. He pried my mouth open with his tongue and began exploring my mouth.

it was a really weird feeling. I had never been kissed by someone. I was the lonely suicidal teen faggot according to everyone so I wasn't exactly getting any.

The only person who had ever kissed me was my dad.  
he kissed me and then raped me.  
Multiple times.

The way Gerard's straddling me made me think of what happened at the movie theater the one night between me and my dad. I began to remember the horrific night and I began to get scared.

I didnt want to have sex with gerard. I really didn't want to have to sex with anyone or even have anyone touch me. I had thought about having a relationship after what happened with my dad but I couldn't bring myself to do it and I couldn't find anyone that would even talk to me.

yet here gerad was. He was making out with me and I was kissing back in fear. He grinded his hips against mine and I stopped kissing or even moving in general.

He pulled back and my eyes grew wide in fear that he'd hit me. That's what my dad did when I didn't do what he wanted, so what was stopping gerard from hitting me.

i couldnt speak i just stared at him scared shitless.  
"frank?..."

When I didn't respond he sat up. He was still straddling me but he was sitting up and his ass was right on my crotch.  
"Frank." He said more serious this time.

I didnt know know what he wanted me to say so I just kept my mouth shut.  
"Frank what's wrong?"

Why did he ask me these questions I couldnt answer? I didn't want to say anything wrong and get hit.

"Frank do you not want me to kiss you?" He asked and sounded to be worried.

I racked my brain for something to say that wouldnt end up with me getting a black eye. "Do you want to kiss me?"

"well that's why I kissed you in the first place."

"Then kiss me."

"But frank-"

"gerard just do what you want to do. I promise I won't fight back." I said quickly just wanting to get this over with.

Instead of kissing me gerard climbed off me and pulled me up into a sitting position so we were sitting across from each other with him in front of me.

"what the hell are you saying?"

I didn't understand why he stopped and just didn't kiss me.

"Frank answer me god dammit!"

"I-I'm sorry"

"what are you sorry for? Frank if you didn't want me to kiss you why did you kiss back?"

I mumbled under my breath.

"what did you say?" He said not understanding my mumbles.

"I said because I didn't want to get hit."

He instantly looked taken a back. He grabbed my hands and made me look at him. "Why did you think I'd hit you?"

"Because you hated me since the day I moved here and then you pulled this shit, and I didn't want get hit like last time I didn't kiss back!" I snapped

"We never.....frank what did your dad do to you?" He said and pulled me into a hug.

****************************

currently I was sobbing mess in Gerard's arms. I told him everything. Not skipping out on any detail.

For some reason I was able to open up to him. He reassured me that we were friends now and that he was sorry for kissing me, but I knew he didn't regret the actual kiss.

"frank I can't even imagine how painful that must've been for you to deal with... I just holy shit I probably would've killed myself." He said before realizing what that sentence meant to me.

"Trust me I tried." I said bitterly.

"Frank no god I'm so sorry I didn't mean to offend you-"

"why not go ahead I'm used to it. I'm the suicidal faggot that let's his dad take advantage of him. I'm used to being made of it doesn't do much anymore I'm a failure,I've accepted that. I can't even fucking kill myself without screwing up goddammit!"  
"frank." He said reaching out and touching my shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I snapped standing up off the bed.  
"Gerard just pretend that this night never happened and we'll just go back to hating each other."

 

As I sat in my room cutting my fucking phone kept beeping. Gerard was blowing up my Facebook with messages and I was ignoring all of them.

God I was so fucking stupid! How could I just tell him everything that happened to me and then piss him off by leaving?! He's probably just going to tell everyone.

"Fuck!" I gasped as I made a particularly deep cut.  
After I made a few more I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something. It was 2 am and mom was working  
the night shift and wouldn't be back until 10 tomorrow morning.

i grabbed a jacket and my phone and after wrapping my new cuts I walked outside. I walked down my street and then I heard someone call after me. I turned and saw gerard. Shit I mumbled and began to walk faster.

I turned and saw he was now running after me. I began running and making random turns since I still didn't know the area that well and only walked from school to therapy to home.

I ended up in some random ass park and knew I couldn't run away any more without him catching me. he was running fast and my smokers lungs were killing.

"frank! Frank stop!"

"Fine I'll stop! I'm not running anymore! Go ahead take your shot you prick!" I said holding out my arms signaling for him to punch me.

"frank I don't want to hurt you and I didn't mean to make fun of you. I'd never make fun of suicide it's horrible it's a tragedy and if someone makes fun of someone who felt so much like shit they thought dying was the best option then they should burn in hell." He said and then stopped to take a breath.

"why are you suddenly being nice to me! Are you trying to mess with me?! I mean you fucking hate me and cause me to try and kill myself for the sixth fucking time and then you pull the were friends now shit and then you fucking kiss me! Do you not know how much that messes with my head!? Gerard I have severe anxiety and trusting people isn't something I can do easily! You hating me and then wanting to fuck me the next minute doesn't do anything except give me a reason to worry!"

"Frank I-"

"no just don't I need time to think. I don't know wether to be mad or pissed or happy or wether I should fucking....just I don't even know! Just please like I said earlier forget this night ever happened and we can just go back to avoiding each other."

"Frank I don't want to avoid you! I kissed you because I developed feelings for you not because I wanted someone to get me off! I wouldn't have done anything you didn't want me to!"

"Oh so when did you develop feelings for me? After you found out I was raped and began to pity me or after you accidentally saw my junk at therapy?"

"Frank I I have never been attracted to another person like I'm attracted to you! Yes I pitied you after I found out you were raped I do have a fucking heart you know! But I liked you before that! And what the hell does it matter that I accidentally saw your junk? It's not like I even really saw anything because of where I was sitting! I'm sorry I have fucking feelings for you!"

 

"The only feeling anyone's ever shown me is lust and that was my dad! Yea my mom is nice to me but any kids doctors or therapists all they do is fucking pity me and I'm sick of being treated like some diseased person! I'm a human being too and I'm sick of no one treating me like one because it's hurts!"


	19. First date, first chance

It had been two days since the night in the park. I had broken down and gerard held me the whole night. He walked me back home and gave me a hug goodbye. He apologized the whole way home while I remained silent.

I hadn't said anything to him since even though he kept trying to talk to me I ignored him. I still wasn't sure wether or not to believe him that he actually liked me. As far as I knew he was a complete homophobe.

Why would he suddenly become gay for me. I'm nothing special. I'm a suicidal fuck up that no one likes. I've never even had a boyfriend or girlfriend before. Alex was the only friend I ever had and honestly I haven't talked to him for a while.

Ive been keeping everyone out. I was in a depressed mood constantly then I'd remember id have to see my dad soon and I'd just get even more upset and then I'd cut.

my thighs were insanely cut up and scarred. My mom hasn't been home much lately and when she is she's sleeping since she's been on call.

There was one week until my birthday and normally I'd be super excited because for my birthday I was supposed to be getting a new tattoo this year. I was going to get a scorpion on my neck with my mom, but now my dad was taking me.

I was just praying I could get the tattoo and it would take up enough time that after it was done I could go home.

 

Interrupting my thoughts was my phone. I picked it up and it was an unknown number. "Hello?"

"Hey frank."

"Gerard....what do you want?" I asked apprehensively.

"Listen frank I know you don't believe me but please at least let me try to prove it to you that my feelings are real."

I stayed silent.

"frank?"

"how. How are you going to prove it because if it's-"

"no! No no I promise it's not what your thinking! I just...well will you go on a date with me?"

"A date?"

"Yes frank a date. We could do whatever you want. Movies dinner, shopping, skateboarding, whatever you want just please give me a chance."

I thought for a moment Before talking. "When?"

"Tonight? I mean of you don't want-"

"ok."

"Wait what?!"

"Ok. I'll go. Ill go on a date with you tonight. We can go to the movies ok?"

"Yea yea ok. Awesome. Thank you so much frank I'll get you....well when do you wanna go and what do you wanna see?" He said nervously.

"Surprise me. I'll see you later gerard." I said smiling and then hung up.

From what I know Gerard's a total cheapskate and I doubt he'd take me on a date if he didn't like me. I took a shower and didn't cut which took a lot of effort but I did it and then I got dressed.

I decided on black skinnies my black converse high tops, a misfits tee and a smashing pumpkins hoodie. I ran my hands threw my Mohawk with some gel and decided that I should really re dye the blonde on the sides Or maybe I'll change the color.

I looked at my phone Friday October 24 10:30 pm.  
I sat and watched some tv until gerard showed up at 11.

"Hey." He said nervously waving at me and smiling. He looked good. He was wearing blue skinnies a black v neck and a leather jacket.

"You look nice." He said to me.  
"Same." I smiled back.

"The movies at midnight but I figured we could go to the theater and get some snacks or something before the movie." He said biting on his lip.

"Yea sounds cool lets go." I said grabbing his hand and stepping outside. He smiled instantly when I grabbed his hand and walked me to the car opening the door for me.  
"Thank you." I said smiling. I was actually happy to be going on a date and hopefully a real one.

He climbed into his seat and took my hand back in his. "Thanks for giving me a chance." He smiled and we took off.


	20. Horror or love?

We were sitting down at a table it was 11:15 so we had forty five minutes to kill and the whole place was empty except for workers.

From what I was told we were just gonna see a typical Halloween horror movie and I was totally ok with that. If things went horribly wrong I could just say I was scared and wanted to leave even though I love horror movies.

"So I was thinking and we don't really know a lot personally about each other....I mean like things we like to do not y'know about your dad or anything."

"No I get you. So what do you wanna know?"  
I asked willing to answer his questions as long as they weren't anything I was uncomfortable with.

"Uh I don't know what do you like to do?"

"Uh I play guitar and not much else I go online a lot and just watch music videos."

"You play that's cool I always wanted to learn to play something I'm not really that good at anything. I draw sometimes but not much. So wanna ask me anything?" He said and damn did he sound nervous about what I might ask him. It was kinda cute.

"have you always been gay? I'm mean you act like a fucking homophobe."

He looked hurt by what I said but recovered. "I don't know your the only boy I've ever liked but I never hated gays I just made fun of them, man do I sound like a dick, but yea I guess I'm bi."

"Ok." I said not really having any other questions.

"What about you? Like have you always been gay or have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend before?"

"uh no. I've never dated anyone before. I always knew I liked boys but the incident happened when I was 13 and after that I didn't exactly want to date, and I'm not exactly popular here or at my old home so I wasn't exactly relationship active."  
I said kind of shyly not wanting to be made fun of for my sorry excuse of a love life.

"Oh I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked." He said quietly.

"No it's fine were on a date and isn't the point to get to know each other."

"Yea." He said smiling at me. "I still can't believe you said yes."

"Well I mean why not. You've been pretty nice to me lately and I haven't tried to date since my dad I might as well start."

"If this goes well do you think you'd give me another shot? Or maybe consider us a couple eventually?"

i thought for for a moment before nodding.

"You just made me the happiest person ever. Now come on the movie should be starting." He said grabbing my hand and we walked into the theater which was completely empty.

"Where do you want to sit?" He said turning to face me. I smiled and ran to the very top row in the back corner and I took the seat against the wall.

"Really Frankie we have the whole theater and you sit in the corner?" He said chuckling.

"I like this spot it makes me feel safe with the wall here." I said not thinking much of it.

"Oh my god I'm a horrible person." He said his eyes going wide. "I totally forgot about you and your dad and what happened at the movies. I'm sooty we can leave if you-"

"gee it's fine I asked to come here remember? And I'm not going to miss going to the movies just because of what happened three years ago. Plus the place that happened at is closed down now so sit." I said smiling at him an pointing at the seat next to me.

He sat and linked our hands together again. I decided since we were on a date to get a little closer to gerard. I lifted his arm and placed it around me while I nuzzled into his side.

I knew he was smiling And I was too.

The he movie started and honestly it was more a love story than horror. It was two people forced to work together against the zombie apocalypse. The boy and girl don't want to work together but end up having to and they end up liking each other.

I liked the the movie and surprisingly it wasn't awkward with gee being the one watching it with me I actually thought it was kinda sweet.

At the part they kiss I look up at gee who's staring at me.  
we both just kind of look at each other for a moment before we lean in and kiss.

I had never ever kissed anyone like that before and I loved it. It was a simple but long kiss. No tongue or anything just lips but it was perfect. I pulled away and when I saw gees smile I smiled too.

I leaned back back into his side and he kissed me on the top of the head. We watched the rest of the movie with out anymore kissing and then sadly it was time to go.

We drove home together and before I climbed out of the car gerard stopped me. "Frank I really had a good time tonight."

"Me too." I said smiling.

"Do you maybe wanna go out again?"

I bit on my lip ring and thought for a minute.  
"well it's the weekend so why don't we do something tomorrow I'm free."

"Ok sound good so am I." He said smiling.

I knew new he wasn't expecting it but I leaned in and kissed him then climbed out of the car "bye gee."


	21. Love life. You've go nothing to lose

I woke up early the next morning as usual even though it was the weekend. It really wasn't that early it was ten but no other kid my age is ever up before noon.

I got up and went to the kitchen but didn't find anything worth my interest so I decided to just not eat any breakfast. I noticed my mom wasn't there so she's probably going to be working all weekend.

my phone vibrated in my pocket which I wasn't expecting since I never get texts unless it's my mom. I saw it was from an unknown number. I opened the message

*hey Frankie it's gee*

~how'd you get my number? Not that I'm mad or anything just y'know..

*i uh sent myself a text from it yesterday at the movies while you had me hold your stuff while you went to the bathroom.

~oh ok. So plans for the day?

*what do you wanna do? I'm up for anything

I thought for a moment before deciding

~wanna go to the mall then we could just come back and hang at my house? My moms working so we can do whatever.

*ok sounds fun when do you wanna go?

~just come over when your ready and we can go k?

*k cya soon <3

~ <3

I smiled as I put my phone away and went to get ready.

**************************

"Hey Frankie you ready?" I heard gerard call from downstairs.

I grabbed my wallet and phone and ran downstairs. I have gerard a hug before smiling. "Yea let's go."

The drive to the mall wasn't anything exciting gerard drove while I held his free hand and we just listened to the radio which I really didn't care for that much.

"Do you have one of those things where you can play music from your phone through the car?"

"Uh yea it's the blue cable."

I grabbed it and plugged my phone in. I went to music and selected a black flag song. I began head banging to it instantly until I heard gerard laugh.

"What."

"Nothing you just look really cute." He said smiling at me and interlocking our hands again.

"Keep your eyes on the road." I said sticking my tongue out at him.

"But it's more fun to watch you dance to whatever this is." He said chuckling.

"First off its head banging and second HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT KNOW BLACK FLAG!?!?"

"Mikey listens to that kind if stuff i don't really listen to music that much."

"How do you live?!" I said jokingly.

The rest of the ride I just kept full out singing and banging around in his car while he just laughed at me going crazy.

Once we arrived we walked into the mall holding hands. "Where do you wanna go?"

"I need to go to hot topic."

"Why?" He said giving me a weird look.

"I'm buying hair dye."

"They sell that there?"

"Yea come on!" I said dragging him to the store.

The he whole time I looked around he awkwardly stood behind me looking really out of place. He didn't exactly look out of place with his long black hair but he was sure acting like it.

I decided on red. I don't know why I just thought it'd look bad ass. I went to check out and as I was getting my wallet out gerard paid.

"gee what're you doing?"

"It's almost your birthday so why should I make you pay?"

"Thanks." I said giving him a kiss on cheek. He smiled back at me happily. He was definitely a person who loved to be kissed.

We didn't really buy anything else while out but we stopped at Starbucks on the way home and got something to eat and drink.

Once we got home to my house I asked him what he wanted to do and he told me specifically told me he just wanted to lay and cuddle.

We went to my room and I put in Coraline. It's a creepy movie but I love Tim burton. we did exactly what he suggested and just laid and cuddled.

he had his arms around me while my head was nuzzled in the crook of his neck. He rubbed my back soothingly and in that moment I didn't care about anything except how happy I felt.

I looked up at him and my movement caused him to look at me. This time I leaned in and connected out lips. We kissed and I pulled back but I wanted to kiss him again. I think he noticed since he moved his hands to my face and pulled me back in for a deeper kiss.

He slid his tongue Into my mouth and we made out for a while before I pulled away for air. We both just smed at each other like idiots.

"Frank will you be my boyfriend?"

I pressed my head back into his neck hugging him and nodded. "I'd love too."

He kissed my head. "Thank you."


	22. We good?

Gerard ended up just crashing at mine for the night. Nothing happened between us sexually he just happened to fall asleep during the like fifth movie and I let him sleep on the couch.

I happened to wake up before him and it was only 9:00 am so I wasn't going to wake him up. I went into my bathroom and took out the hair dye he had bought for me yesterday.

I decided on not dying my actual Mohawk and just on dying the blonde sides to red. I re bleached my blonde sides first since my roots were growing in and I gave my Mohawk a trim. I never like going to the barbers I always just cut my own hair.

Once i rinsed the bleach out I began mixing all the dye and crap until I got the red to the shade I wanted. I just used my hands and applied the dye all over both sides of my head making sure to get all of what I wanted colored.

I set the alarm on my phone for 45 minutes and basically didn't do much for most of it except sit the bathroom thinking.

eventually I got bored and decided to do something I normally never do. Actually look at my cuts. I pulled my pants off and then my underwear and just looked in the mirror.

Most of them with the exception of a few very deep ones are already at the flaking stage which was good for me. I hadn't cut in 4 days and it had been a while since I'd gone that long.

my timer went off signaling it was time to wash the dye out. I removed the rest of my clothing and jumped in the shower. I quickly got washed incase gerard woke up I didn't want to make him sit there by himself and wait for me.

My shower looked somewhat like I had murdered someone because of all the dye that was surely going to stain but oh well.

I climbed out and took a towel and dried my hair out removing the last of the dye. The I blew dry it and I have to say I thought it looked pretty fucking awesome.

I wrapped another towel around my waist and walked into my room to get dressed. I pulled on my skinnies and a t shirt not bothering with boxers since I figured it'd just be a lazy day.

I walked down stairs to find geard up and watching tv. When he turned to look at me his expression changed from a smile to shocked.

"Woah."

"You like?" I said walking over to him and sitting on to he couch.

"The red looks awesome." He said giving me a kiss.

"Thanks so what do you wanna do today?"

"whatever you want."

I thought for a moment before just shrugging.  
gerard leaned in and kissed me but we were interrupted by a knock at the door.

I opened the door and saw my dad and two people in suits. "Franklin what did you do to your hair?!" My dad exclaimed. He must not have liked it.

"Why are you here...."

"Frank." The lady said smiling at me. "Were here to see wether or not the visit needs to be monitored this coming week. "

"I'm pretty sure we already decided it needs to be there is no way in hell I'm going to be alone with him."

"Frankie who's there?" Gerard called from inside.

"no one gee stay there." I said kind of nervously. I wasn't sure how my dad would react to me having a boyfriend. Especially since when we were at court I told him gerard was just a friend.

"Mr iero were sent by the court and if all goes well today then we don't think you need monitoring later and you two can enjoy your birthday properly."

"No nonnononononononono he need supervision. We are not going to be alone together I am not being raped again so good bye ill se you later this week."

I said slamming the door shut.

I walked back into the family room to see gerard on his phone.  
"Everything ok?"

"yea"

"you sure?"

"ya totally everything's good. So plans?"

He smiled at me before speaking. "I'm perfectly fine with going back to what we were doing before the people at the door interrupted." He said smirking and pulled me into a kiss.  
but something felt off.


	23. Guilty much?

Gerard eventually had to leave die his parents wondering where he was and what he was doing. He told me he planned to tell his parents he was gay when he went home and I was fucking ecstatic.

I mean he basically became gay because of me. I sat In my room and listened to music until I feel asleep happy that I wasn't going to be alone in school or ignored because now I had gee.

The next day I got up and decided that since I had some nice hair now I was going I dress nice ( hot ) for gee. I picked my tightest black skinnies that were so tight I can't wear underwear with them. A white tight v neck shirt that you could see my tattoos along my chest through and my nicest misfits hoodie.

I gelled my Mohawk a little and started my walk to school. Gee had texted me and said he had to go in early and that he didn't want to wake me up so he had already left.

i walked ito into school and got a couple wolf whistles on my way to my locker. They ignore me until I look somewhat slutty but too bad for them because I'm taken.

I got out the books I needed for the morning and made my way to my first class which happened to be English and I had it with gerard.

I walked into the room and he was already there but he wasn't at his normal table next to mine he was sat all the way on the other side of the room.

I walked over to talk to him and say good morning but he was on the phone. I think he was talking to mikey. He smiled at me and gave me a little wave but his smile seemed stressed.

I ignored it and went to my seat since the bell rung.

The next two classes I had weren't with gerard but at lunch when I couldn't find him I got kind of worried. I didn't feel like eating so I went to go look for him. As I was walking down a hallway I felt someone grab my arm. I turned to see a jock smirking at me.

"Hey hot stuff." He smirked.

"Let go of me perv." I said trying to sound mean but I was fucking terrified of almost every jock in this school and this kid was huge compared to me.

"don't call me a perv, or at least until you have proof."

"Wha-"

he picked me up and covered my mouth and dragged me into an empty closet down the hall.  
he threw me down harshly and grabbed my shoulders keeping me on my knees.

I realized what was about to happen and began pleading.  
"no please don't I swear to god I won't tell anyone! Ill do homework or whatever just please not this!" I begged.

"Shut up. It's your fault for dressing like that."

"What-no that's not-"

"shut up and suck on this." He said forcing me forward to his now exposed member. Which was monster but I was terrified. He was going to force me on him. No one was around to save me and gee had been avoiding me I'm sure of it. The phone call to Mikey that lasted and hour and then not showing up at lunch.

i was alone again.

 

"N-no please d-don't-"  
my words were cut short when he shoved himself in my mouth and grabbed my neck forcing me to deep throat him.

\--------------------------------------------

As soon as he left and let me go I ran. I ran all the way home without anything except my phone. I left all my work in that closet.

As I ran up my pathway I heard Gerard call to me from his porch. I looked at him for a second and saw him waving at me. I sobbed knowing he had avoided me and that if he had just shown up to lunch that what just occurred wouldn't have happened.

I ran ran inside and he chased after me. I shut my bathroom door but before I could lock it I began throwing up. I felt so sick since he had made me swallow. I didn't even know the kids fucking name and he did that to me.

Gerard burst through the door to my bathroom and instantly freaked out. "Oh my god what happened!?"  
i could actually hear the guilt in his voice for ditching me earlier.

It took all to he strength in me but I stood up and turned to face him. I pushed my finger into his chest.

"Fuck you."


	24. What.

"Wait-what? Frank? Wha-"

"stop!"I screamed grabbing the sides of my head. I didn't want to deal with this right now I just wanted to be alone. Two days and I'd be with my dad and this whole situation is just freaking me out even more about spending the day with him.

"frank calm down and tell me what happened!" He fought back and sounded pissed off. He had no right to be mad at me. At. All.

"why don't you tell me why you avoided me all damn day! Then you can be pissed at me!"

"frank I wasn't...I didn't avoid you-"

"yes you did."

"frank I didn't mean to upset you-"

"well that's what happened, so unless you have some god damn flawless excuse then you can kiss my ass!"

He sighed and ran his Han through his hair. "Frank I didn't mean to hurt you. I just...I told my family I was gay, and they weren't exactly accepting of it.....mikey was but not my parents...frank I'm just worried about what kids at school will say about me once they know I'm gay."

 

"that's your excuse?"

"well yeah...." He said looking confused as to why I didn't just accept his excuse.

"Gerard I've switched schools there times because of kids! Iyour parents weren't excepting? Well at least yours aren't fucking rapists! As soon as my dad found out I was gay he used it against me in the worst way possible and you want me to throw you a pity party?"

"I thought you only switched schools once..." He said avoiding the subject conpletley.

 

"Three times each for different reasons bullying, suicide attempt at school, and another suicide attempt at school."

I wasnt expecting him to hug me but that's what he did. "I'm so sorry I shouldn't have avoided you I'm a horrible boyfriend. Shit I shouldn't even be called your boyfriend after what a douche I've been. I didn't know I'd make you this upset. I'm sorry." He said giving me a kiss on the head.

"But explain to me why you threw up." He said his voice going back to a protective tone.

"Gee I don't want to-"

"why did you throw up. Please tell me you didn't make yourself throw-"

"no.. I just don't wanna say what ha-happened." I said tears forming in my eyes.

"Hey, shhh, baby don't cry, tell me what happened. Wait frank it didn't involve your dad did it?!"

I wiped my eyes and grabbed Gerard's hands. I led him into my room and sat him on the bed with me. I pulled him down so he was laying and I snuggled up to him. He wrapped his arms around my waist hesitantly, not understanding what was going on.

"it didn't involve my dad." Was all I said and just snuggled closer to him wanting the memory of what happened between me and the nameless jock to go away.

"Then who'd it involve?"

"I uhh don't know his name...."

"frank your freaking me out...what random person would want to hurt you?"

"he didn't want to hurt me....he just wanted a blowjob." I mumbled feeling sick again.

"WHAT!"

i actually flinched at his sudden outburst. "Gee?"

"someone made you blow them?! Frank that's fucking rape! We have to do something! First are you ok? Like did he hurt you besides...you know what I mean?"

"Gerard we aren't going to do anything." I said sitting up.

"but-"

"no buts. Two days and I have to see my dad. If some situation with rape involving me comes up the date will be changed and I'll be dragged into court to make sure it wasn't my dad and useless shit. I'd rather just forget about it and get the day with my dad from hell over with."


	25. Tattoos

Today was the day. I had to spend my sixteenth birthday with my dad. Luckily gees going to come along. He still upset I won't tell anyone about the kid at school but he dropped it for the my sake.

Currently I was kissing gee while watching some Halloween movie on tv. "I love you so much. Happy birthday baby." He said smiling and pulling out a little box.

"Gee what is this? You didn't have to get me anything."

"don't be silly it's your birthday! Open it."

I smiled led and began unwrappingn the box. I gasped and covered my mouth with my free hand. I felt tears forming in my eyes. It was a heart locket with something engraved on if.  
"gee this must've cost a fortune!"

"Read it." He said biting on his lip tears forming in his eyes as well.

I picked up the small box containing the locker and brought it closer to my face. On the locker in fancy letters was 'maybe not the first but I'll be your forever'

i smiled led knowing exactly what it meant.

"Gee thank you." I said tears now cascading down my cheeks.  
He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.

 

Out our happy moment was ruined though when a knock came from my front door. I sighed and gee squeezed my hand as a sign of reassuring me that it's be okay.

***********

"ok were going to take a quick brake for you to stretch and then when I come back we can finish it okay?"

"okay sounds good." I said sitting up.

I had been laying on the table chair thing for almost three hours getting my tattoo worked on. Let me say that neck tattoos hurt like a bitch.

Gee we had been sitting next to me the whole time smiling at me, but we didn't hold hands because I didn't want my dad to know I had a boyfriend, and geard understood completley.

"She's cute huh frank" my dads voice broke the silence.

"What?"

"The girl tattooing you she's cute what do you think?"

"Stop." I said getting mad. I knew he was trying to start general conversation but I also knew he trying to pry into my love life and find out if I was with someone or not.

"Whoa calm down I just wanted your opinion."

"My opinion is go fuck yourself." I mumbled causing gee to start laughing, which made me start laughing too.

"Okay I'm back ready to finish this thing?" My tattooer asked

"hell yeah."


	26. You're his father!

I manged to make it through the rest of the day but just barely. If gee hadn't been there I swear to god I would've murdered the man. He kept pointing out cute girls constantly. They were cute it wasn't like they were ugly at all it was just that I wasn't interested.

"Gee I wanna go home." I whined swinging his hand with mine as we waited for my 'dad' to come out of they bathroom.  
"You're doing great though I thought you would've flipped about an hour ago."

"I don't like him." I mumbled leaning against gees chest. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug kissing the top of my head.

Someone who was walking by the food court and saw us slurred at us. "Fucking faggots no pda!"

I hated when people maxe fun of my sexuality and gerard knew first hand just how much it got to me. "Why you jealous of us?" Gerard yelled back flipping the group of people off.

"Don't listen to them. Your not a faggot." He whispered in my ear.

"I hate when people talk about me." I mumbled snuggling my head even further into the crook of his neck.

"Ya but your stronger, and better than them."

"I'm not strong." I admitted thinking of how weak I could get if someone insulted me.

"Yes you are. Frank you've tried to leave this world many times and your still here. That shows how much of a fighter you are."

His is words made me smile and I tightened my grip on him. I looked up at him smiling and connected our lips.

"What is going on?!"

I snapped my head back from Gerard's and saw my so called father staring at us with his jaw dropped and eyes full of anger.

"Answer me!" He boomed.

I really fucking wished that I hadn't slammed the door in those peoples face last week or else they'd be here monitoring our day and right now I could use there help.

"Frank is my boyfriend."

My eyes widened in shock when Gerard spoke up like that.

"Frank would've told me if he had a boyfriend. I'm. His. Father." My dad seethed.

"You no way in hell deserve to be called a father. Now let's get this day over with." Gerard said clenching his teeth.

"Franklin!" His voice boomed. "Is this-this piece of garbage really your boyfriend?!" He asked/yelled stepping closer to me so he was right in front of us.

Gerard had his hands firmly planted on my waist holding onto me like I was his life.

"He's not garbage." I breathed sounding pathetic.

"He has fucking shoulder length hair. He looks like a girl. He has a disgusting southern jersey accent. He dresses like shit and you want to tell me this fucking child is your boyfriend?"

i felt the tears begin to form in my eyes and I felt like if I spoke they'd all come crashing down. Gee seemed to notice and pulled me closer to him.

"I'm sorry that my looks don't impress you but I wouldn't ever try to impress you since I wouldn't like being held against my will and forced to have sex. And I dress like shit and have long hair? At least mine isn't greasy and my clothes smell like they've actually been washed since I bought them." He spat out pulling me against him even more to try and protect me.  
"and you know what else I don't even think you fucking said happy birthday once to your own child! That's one thing I have over you at least I actually care about frank!"

Thank god the the mall was basically empty since it was so late or else this scene probably would've been dragged out of proportion.

"You don't care about frank. You're just fucking him." my dad spat back.

I swear to god I could feel Gerard's anger radiating off him.  
"That's not true." He spoke through clenched teeth.

"I bet it is. You know 'gerard' " he said making fun of his name."franks actually a really good fuck"

i felt my stomach drop as soon as the words left his mouth.  
i wanted to disappear but I couldn't. I couldn't run and I didn't want to cry in front of my dad because it would let him know he got to me.

"your sick." Gerard said like he was about to loose his cool.

"Am I? Go ahead and tell me Gerard isn't frank a good fuck? He's probably a lot tighter since me. I bet that felt good didn't it." He smirked and I felt like I was going to puke.  
"Admit it you only want him so you can fuck him. I bet that's all you think of. Even today you were probably mad that I'd be here because it made it so you couldn't be fucking him senseless all day. I guarantee that the only birthday gift you got him was your dick."

Gerard remained silent but because I was so close to him I could hear he was taking deep breaths trying to stay calm.

"Frank why don't you answer? Who's a better fuck me or Gerard? Don't lie about it either."

I still can't believe that this sick monster is my parent and he created me. He was sick. You just don't do things like this to your kid ever. No excuse. You just. Don't. Do. It.

"I'm waiting." He replied to my silence.

I didnt want want to make him mad since he already was and I didn't want to lie because I feel like he'd be able to tell.  
"I-I don't k-know." I stuttered out quickly and quietly.

"You don't know? Can't make your decision? Need a refresher of how good I was." He said stepping closer to me and reaching his hand out to touch me.

I yelped and ran behind Gerard crouching down behind his legs trying to hide myself.

"Don't. Touch. Him. Ever." Gee spat out like he was about to kill someone.

"Why is he now just yours to touch? I knew you wanted him all to yourself. Your the sick one leading him on when all you want to do is fuck him until he's too worn out to move."

"stop saying that!" I cried.

"Frank you know it's true you dirty little slut. I bet you like me better since I can guarantee I'm bigger than whatever this twink has."

"Will you quit being so perverted! He's your god damn son! And he's my god damn boyfriend! Your fucking hurting him!"

"I'm not the one fucking him every night until he can't move." My dad said smirking knowing he was really pissing gerard off.

"I'm not the one doing that either! No one is! Now please leave so I can take frank home!"

"were supposed to be spending the whoooole day together So if you two want to go home I'm coming with, and don't worry if you plan on fucking i enjoy watching."

I didnt have time to react before I was throwing up all over the floor.

"Shit Frankie!" Gee cried bending down next to me.

"You make him physically sick you bastard!"


End file.
